Robert Orben Quotes
Quotations and aphorisms by Robert Orben:
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
~Robert Orben
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In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
~Robert Orben
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
~Robert Orben
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Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
~Robert Orben
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Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
~Robert Orben
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Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
~Robert Orben
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With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
~Robert Orben
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Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
~Robert Orben
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Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
~Robert Orben
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Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
~Robert Orben
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A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
~Robert Orben
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I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.
~Robert Orben
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What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.
~Robert Orben
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Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
~Robert Orben
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Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
~Robert Orben
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Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
~Robert Orben
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President Ford used humor a great deal.
~Robert Orben
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The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.
~Robert Orben
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If you can laugh together, you can work together.
~Robert Orben
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Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
~Robert Orben
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The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.
~Robert Orben
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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
~Robert Orben
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Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
~Robert Orben
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More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
~Robert Orben
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Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
~Robert Orben
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There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
~Robert Orben
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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
~Robert Orben
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
~Robert Orben
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
~Robert Orben
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There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
~Robert Orben
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
~Robert Orben
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Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.
~Robert Orben
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Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
~Robert Orben
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To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
~Robert Orben
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I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
~Robert Orben
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Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.
~Robert Orben
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Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
~Robert Orben
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A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
~Robert Orben
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Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.
~Robert Orben
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