Lenny Bruce Quotes
Quotations and aphorisms by Lenny Bruce:
When you're eight years old nothing is your business.
~Lenny Bruce
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I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.
~Lenny Bruce
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I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.
~Lenny Bruce
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I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.
~Lenny Bruce
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The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.
~Lenny Bruce
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The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
~Lenny Bruce
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The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.
~Lenny Bruce
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A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.
~Lenny Bruce
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I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.
~Lenny Bruce
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The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
~Lenny Bruce
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Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
~Lenny Bruce
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
~Lenny Bruce
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Communism is like one big phone company.
~Lenny Bruce
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I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.
~Lenny Bruce
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I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.
~Lenny Bruce
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In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
~Lenny Bruce
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Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.
~Lenny Bruce
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If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
~Lenny Bruce
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If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.
~Lenny Bruce
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There are never enough I Love You's.
~Lenny Bruce
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If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.
~Lenny Bruce
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All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.
~Lenny Bruce
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Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
~Lenny Bruce
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